Best Behavior for Brides and Bridesmaids

Commentary featured by GLAMOUR magazine online

Most every lady has been there – either as a bridesmaid dealing with a bridezilla, or as a bride disappointed by an uninvolved, unenthused bridesmaid. Neither party is necessarily to blame, but when the most important day in a girl’s life is at stake, the pressure is on for everyone to smile and everything to run smoothly. Miscommunication, false expectations, and feelings of burden or obligation, can call lead to shaky situations within bridal parties.

I have heard countless horror stories . . . I had a friend so embarrassed by her bridesmaid dress, that she carried a cocktail dress in her purse to change into the moment professional wedding photos were finished. A friend of a friend who was a graduate student at the time, had to set-up a yearlong payment plan with the bride’s family to repay them for the designer bridesmaid dress chosen for her by the bride. It goes without saying that in both these cases, the bride and bridesmaid were not the best of friends after the wedding.

As a recent bride and event planner turned wedding professional, I thought I would share some ideas on how to keep everyone happy and foster even stronger friendships after the wedding.

How brides can make their bridesmaids happy . . .

For my wedding in St Croix earlier this year, I included bridal party accommodations in my wedding budget. Footing the bill for a bridal suite not only lessened my bridesmaids’ travel expenses, but provided a slumber party-like environment for us to bond. On my wedding day, I offered to pay for a manicure or pedicure for each bridesmaid, so that we could get ready together in the resort spa.

Before the big day, I decided to make the dreaded bridesmaid dress a pleasant experience for all. I chose a fabric and color and let my bridesmaids choose the design of their dress through Aria. The cost of the dresses also came from my wedding budget. I had the dresses shipped directly to my bridesmaids, so that they could have them tailored to their liking. Since our ceremony was barefoot on the beach, I suggested a shoe type and color for the reception, and let my bridesmaids choose a pair from their closet collections. I made my bridesmaid gift their accessory, a hammered silver hook bracelet from Sonya’s Limited, the local company that originally began crafting the traditional island bracelet more than 40 years ago.

But the single most important thing I did as a bride to keep my bridesmaids happy was hire a wedding coordinator. SunCelebrations, the company I now coordinate with, executed my plans and took care of everything on my wedding day so that my bridesmaids and I could just relax and enjoy. In previous experiences as a bridesmaid, I had done everything from bleach outdoor chairs in the heat, to run last-minute beauty errands in the snow. I did not want my bridesmaids setting-up my ceremony or doing any of the dirty work (especially since they were on vacation too). Hiring a wedding coordinator was essential to keeping my wedding party happy.

What it takes to be a bridesmaid that remains friends with the bride after her wedding . . .

First and foremost, only say “yes” to a bride’s request to be a bridesmaid if you truly want to be a part of her big day. Particularly in situations where you’re a cousin or distant relative of the bride, you have the right to say “no thank you” upfront in a tasteful manner. Consider before agreeing if you really have the time and money necessary to devote to the wedding.

To maintain your sanity during stressful or frustrating times, remember that being a bridesmaid is an honor. By asking you to be part of her wedding, the bride is acknowledging that you have made a significant impact on her life. There are likely a handful of her family members and friends that are jealous they were not asked to be bridesmaids.

To not break the bank as a bridesmaid, consider making a gift for the bride. The couple will be overwhelmed with store-bought gifts from their wedding registries, so a handmade gift will stand out in a positive way. The most meaningful gift I received as a bride was a wedding keepsake box from my maid of honor. She simply covered a hat box with magazine cutouts of phrases and photos related to my wedding. The thought and time she put into it meant so much to me.

To keep the bride happy, try to plan ahead for a stress-free wedding day. Plan for the bridal party to get pedicures together at a spa, or participate in a calming activity like a yoga class. Surprise the bride with fruit and champagne to celebrate before the ceremony.

To stay organized, try creating an inbox folder for all wedding-related e-mails the bride and fellow bridesmaids send you. Put mailed invitations on your fridge so that you don’t have to bug the bride for times or directions on days of wedding events, like bridal showers.

Regarding the bridesmaid dress, try to happily wear whatever the bride asks you to. It boils down to a few hours wearing a dress you never have to wear again. Every guest is aware that your dress was the bride’s choice, so they will not judge you if it is a train wreck. Afterward, give your bridesmaid dress to a local Glass Slipper Project that recycles formals for girls to wear at school dances, who could not otherwise afford them. Just in case the bride ever asks, you gave the bridesmaid dress to a good cause.

In the end remember . . .

Brides: Don’t get caught-up in the silly details. Focus your attention on what your wedding is all about – you and your fiancé committing your lives to one another.

Bridesmaids: It is only one day, so just give it to the bride and enjoy.

Thanks for Remembering

Father of the Bride

The walk down the aisle from the movie Father of the Bride (photo property of Touchstone).

“Are you crying Dad?” I asked, as he tried to hide it at our rehearsal dinner.  I had only seen my Dad Jack cry once before in my life, when our dog died.  I had just handed him a thank you note and gift, a pen engraved Father of the Bride.  That movie had been special to us since I was a little girl, so it only seemed right to include a quote from it in my note.  As George (Steve Martin) walks his daughter Annie (Kimberly Williams-Paisley) down the aisle, he thinks:  This was the moment I’d been dreading for the past six months.  Well, actually for the past 22 years.

Wedding Walk

My walk down the aisle with my Dad Jack on Carambola Beach (photo by my Aunt, Sandy Smith).

In the hustle and bustle of a wedding, brides and grooms often forget to say “thank you.”  Not because they’re ungrateful, but simply because weddings are a whirlwind.  It is important to take a moment to express appreciation for those making your wedding day possible, like your parents and wedding party.  Not to mention important vendors like your officiant and all the guests traveling to see you say “I do.”

Reverand Koopmans holding our hook bracelets before we exchanged them as part of our ceremony (photo by Quiana Duncan).

Reverand Koopmans holding our hook bracelets before we exchanged them as part of our ceremony (photo by Quiana Duncan).

For destination weddings, couples often opt for thank you gifts and favors that tie-in their destination.  Personally, I selected original St Croix hook bracelets from Sonya’s for my bridesmaids.  If worn with the hook closed to others, it means your heart is taken and vice versa.  The bracelets looked beautiful worn all-together by the bridal party during our ceremony.  My husband Greg and I also gave each other hook bracelets when we exchanged wedding rings, so it made the bridesmaid’s gift all-the-more meaningful. 

Our guest welcome bags included chocolates from local shop Steele’s Smokes & Sweets, as well as small bottles of Cruzan rum with drink recipe cards attached.      

Gift Bags

A few elements of our guest welcome bags, including chocolates from Steele’s Smokes & Sweets in Christiansted (photo by my Grandma, Dorothy Paviolo).

The thank you notes you include are often as or more important than the gift you give.  Consider the following recommendations for writing them:

  • Handwriting your notes is a must.
  • Invest the time or money to make or purchase stationary.
  • Consider typing out what you want to say first to avoid sloppy spelling or grammar.
  • Think about something you could only say to the person you’re writing to.  Be it an inside joke or a meaningful memory between the two of you, try to weave it into what you write.
  • Don’t just say thank you for the [blank].  Tell the recipient why the gift is meaningful to you or what your plans are for it.  For example, in thanking someone for a monetary gift, tell them you are placing the funds into savings for your first home.      
  • The sooner you send, the better.  If you can bring thank you notes and gifts to the wedding, even better.  Etiquette guru Emily Post says thank you notes should be written within three months of the receipt of a gift. 

Thoughtful favors and welcome bags will certainly be appreciated by your guests.  Here are some suggestions on what to give from the knot guide to destination weddings:

  • Local food, drink or candy delicacies
  • CD from a great local musician
  • Beach towel, sunscreen, flip-flops or visor
  • Luggage tags personalized with each guest’s name and address
  • Photo albums they can fill later with pictures from the trip
  • Small stack of postcards from the destination (pre-stamped so guests can write friends back home) 

Take your time, be creative and you’ll be sure to give unforgettable thank you notes and gifts!

Traveling to your destination wedding with gifts and favors can be overwhelming, especially with items that can break or melt.  Let SunCelebrations take care of gifts and favors for you.  Say “thanks” to your guests with customized welcome bags and favors that express your style and incorporate island flair. We offer everything from embroidered beach towels and personalized luggage tags, to local chocolates and rum.  SunCelebrations can provide ideas, place /pick-up orders, assemble and deliver welcome bags (including printed itineraries) for your guests to enjoy on-arrival at their hotel, or place favors at your reception. We also offer thank you gifts for parents of the couple and wedding party.

Girlfriends of the Caribbean – A Girlfriends Getaway

… Below is a reprinting of my blog entry from April 4th 2009, due to a technical difficulty, past blog entries were deleted.  But this one was worth reprinting!!

Last week was so much fun! I finally stopped and took some time to smell the frangipani and marvel in the beauty that is St Croix.

I always enjoy having visitors to the island, because it offers an opportunity to see the island through new eyes and a different perspective and also gives me the chance to share the home that I’ve fallen in love with. Last week, following the growing trend, my girlfriends decided to descend upon St Croix for a long weekend vacation. It all started with my dear college friend Deseree. We have been talking about the possibility of her moving down here and helping out with SunCelebrations and she needed a break from the daily grind. So she finally chose a 4-day weekend to visit. Next thing I knew, she mentioned that her sister-in-law, Shelly, wanted to join as a getaway for her birthday… I said “absolutely, more the merrier”… so Annette and then Missy joined on too. And while we were planning, I happened to get an FB instant message from another college friend – Barbara. I told her that the girls were planning to come down and she should join up – so she booked her ticket the next day for a week. She arrived on the Sunday before the rest of the gals who arrived on Thursday. This was just perfect as both Barb and I dive, but the others don’t… so we took advantage of the great weather and dove every morning until their arrival. Here’s a chronicle of our adventure to inspire your girlfriends getaway – enjoy!!

Day 1 – Barb arrives:

Barb arrived on a very busy day for St Croix – so many choices of fun things to do! There was the Chili Cook Off to benefit the United Way out at Divi, The Starving Artists Fair and my favorite, the Slow Down dinner out at the VI Sustainable Farm Institute. So, I picked her up at the airport, we threw her suitcase in the trunk and got on the road. First we stopped at the Starving Artists Fair for the last hour. Jamesie and the All Stars were playing. I just love them!! They are a “scratch band” who play authentic Virgin Islands music called “Quelbe”. Its kind of like Crucian folk music and is sort of like a Caribbean Blue Grass. Its fun, lively and just makes me happy every time I hear it. Both Barb and I were a little hungry, but didn’t want to spoil our appetites (we were heading to the Slow Down dinner), so I introduced her to Caribbean pate (pat-AY). These are deep fried dough pockets with a savory filling of beef, chicken, salt fish or conch. Delish! We had them with some homemade hot sauce and homemade ginger beer. A perfect intro to island life.

SlowDownDinner1

We brought a bottle of my favorite - Red Guitar

After walking around a bit and checking out some vendors, we headed up into the “rainforest” (really a humid tropical forest but lets not get technical) to the VI Sustainable Farm Institute at Creque Dam farm. I had told Barb she was in for a treat, but she had no idea! The Slow Down dinners have quickly become an island favorite and are offered once or twice a month by invitation – and they sell out FAST! I was so excited to have finally been invited to one that was not on the same night as a wedding I was coordinating (jeez guys could you please check MY schedule LOL) so I went ahead and bought tickets. Now, knowing Barb, I knew that not only would she enjoy the organically grown and locally produced 6 course gourmet meal – but she’d love the farm itself too! After all, Barb was expecting 23 baby chickens upon her arrival back home. The VISFI is such a magical place. Tucked into a breathtaking valley on the West end of St Croix, Ben Jones has carefully crafted his dream of having a self-sustaining farm institute that teaches others in our community and abroad how to live more in synch with the environment and create a health lifestyle. I’m always impressed when I got out there that these folks truly practice what they preach. The community center was built with sustainable hardwoods that were harvested by an environmental and employee conscious company in Guyana. The farm itself is powered by solar and wind generated power (but don’t worry folks, they have Wi-Fi!) and is surrounded by organic farm beds. They are both ICO and USDA certified organic – the only farm in the Caribbean with this well-earned status.

Founder Ben Jones tells us about the next course

Founder Ben Jones tells us about the next course

The meal was AMAZING! We brought our own wine – my favorite “Red Guitar” mmmm and each course was narrated by founder Ben Jones. He explained the menu items and told us a bit about how they were farmed, and about the plants and the farm itself. Our first course was an organic bruschetta appetizer that was to-die-for, followed by a rabbit soup.

This was the first time that I tried rabbit (tastes like chicken!). I grew up with bunnies and so had a little trepidation, but figured I’d be adventurous. It was good. That was followed by a yummy organic salad and the main course of our local Senepol beef with local root vegetables. Dessert was a local pumpkin cake with a sauce from a plant that I can’t remember but it was moist and excellent. I HIGHLY recommend snagging tickets to the next Slow Dinner if you can. They aren’t cheap – go for about $60pp, but the proceeds benefit the farm programs and the meal and atmosphere are so worth it. This is a truly enjoyable slow , dining experience. www.visfi.org

Days 2 – Diving the pier:

Well, I have a confession to make. After all my years living and diving on St Croix, I had never been diving at the Frederiksted pier. So, my great friends Kelly & Kevin Culp took us out for a late afternoon shore dive. Holy cow – have I been missing out!!! This was an absolutely amazing dive and hands down my favorite dive spot on the island! There were SO MANY FISH… this is also the place to see octopus and seahorses. We didn’t see either of those that afternoon, but we did see a very large green sea turtle happily swimming along, schools and schools of brightly colored fish (I won’t bore you with ALL the names), and baby trunk fish that look like polka-dotted marbles (so cute!). It was a great dive and we followed it up with a casual beachside dinner at Coconuts with Kevin’s parents who were also visiting.

Days 3-5

Diving with N2 the Blue. I usually dive with SCUBA because its easy for me to jump on the boat in Christiansted. But, they were full the morning I called and Barb and I had rented equipment from N2 the Blue in Frederiksted for our shore dive at the pier the day prior… so we called them up first thing in the morning and totally lucked out as they had spots for us on their boat (they only take out 6 divers max). Derek and Anna, the owners are great. Derek had actually certified me as a diver years ago when he worked for Cane Bay Dive Shop, but I hadn’t dove with him since. Derek was our dive master and Anna, his wife, captained the boat. They were so warm and welcoming and best of all RELAXED that we ended up diving with them all week and loved every minute of it. We dove the deep wrecks out at Butler Bay (AWESOME) and reefs off the west end (we had to stay West due to the swells that week). Saw lots of turtles, rays, schools of fish – lots of good stuff. I HIGHLY recommend diving with N2 the Blue. Fantastic! Thanks guys!!

… continue on Day 5.

Barb and I finished up our morning dives – changed into dry clothes and headed to the airport to pick up the girls!! Let the GIRLFRIENDS GETAWAY begin!! We made a quick stop at Plaza Extra to load up the cooler with CRUZAN RUM and some mixers to meet them at the airport. Yes folks, we were bartending in the parking lot at the airport -

Beach sign at the Palms - designed by yours truly!

Beach sign at the Palms - designed by yours truly!

you’ve got to love that kind of a welcome when you get St Croix! We met the girls, got their luggage and gave them a cocktail, then headed over to the Palms at Pelican Cove . I simply love this place. When friends and family visit – this is where I have them stay. Affordable, beautiful and I strongly believe the best customer service on the island. Owners Chuck and Joyce live on property and truly make you feel like a guest in their home when you stay there. General Manager, Julie Printy, is fantastic and always has a huge smile for everyone. Pat and Dickie are there to welcome you with a cool rum punch at the front desk. Rooms have been recently upgraded with new furniture from
Indonesia and all rooms have ocean views. Its about a 100 step walk at most to the beach. You have a great view of Buck Island and dining is literally beachside. As someone with an animal science degree, I also love their dedication to the environment and conservation of their active sea turtle nesting beach. I’ve worked directly with Chuck and Joyce on conservation efforts and applaud them for all that they do to improve their property and keep it safe for our endangered sea turtles. Chuck is also an avid snorkeler and personally leads snorkel tours through the reef on the property (see Day 6).

After changing into more comfortable beach attire, we all headed over to the bar and had an early dinner along with more rum! I had the fish and chips which were sooooo yummy!! That night we all relaxed and had an early night.

Day 6

The girls relaxed in the morning beachside, I had some work to catch up on, needed to talk shop with Deseree and took my adorable new kitten Boddhi to the vet for his second shots. My vet just opened her new hospital and the day before had won an award for her dedication to the environment. Sugar Mill Veterinary hospital is not only beautiful and state-of-the-art, but totally green and powered with solar and wind. Oh and I have to give props to my friend Kevin Culp who headed up the project. Great job!!

Say Cheese!

Say Cheese!

That afternoon, Chuck had invited us to join him and some other hotel guests on a snorkeling adventure to a spot he had “discovered” out East near Pt Udall (the easternmost point of the US). Yes, the owner of the hotel took a caravan of guests, including some lively gals, snorkeling just because he loves to. Not only did he lead us out there, guide the tour and have a cooler full of beer for us afterwards, but he provided each of us with a photo CD of the adventure the next day. Chuck, you rock! This was a great little spot, sheltered by barrier reef (that surrounds 3/4 of the island).

Squid are so beautiful

Squid are so beautiful

We saw lots of little fish swimming among the coral heads, a school of squid and some trunk fish (my favorite). A great time was had by all.

After the snorkeling, we stopped at “America’s Cheeseburger in Paradise” a fun, inexpensive and casual spot with the best – yes you guessed it – burgers! Later that evening, we headed downtown to walk around and drink some suds at the Ft Christian Brew Pub where local band Lumbergh was playing. Good times!

Day 7

A gorgeous day at Sandy Point

A gorgeous day at Sandy Point

Some of the girls decided to take it easy and hang at the beach then do some shopping downtown. Today was also Shelly’s birthday, so Barb, Shelly and I joined a couple of my friends at the world famous Domino Club for breakfast – eggs, biscuits and sausage gravy – oh yum!! Of course, we took some time to see the “beer drinking pigs” and then we headed off to Sandy Point. Hands down the most beautiful beach on St Croix.

Picnic lunch at Sandy Point with yummy sandwiches from Schooner Bay Market

Picnic lunch at Sandy Point with yummy sandwiches from Schooner Bay Market

Sandy Point is a wildlife refuge and only open from 10am to 4pm on Saturday and Sunday from approximately October thru May. Its closed May through October because it is critical nesting habitat for the endangered Leatherback sea turtle. We spent the day floating in the warm Caribbean Sea and body surfing, had lunch on the beach (you have to bring it in, there are no facilities – this is a truly pristine beach) and headed back to meet up with the rest of the gang for a sunset sail.

Girlfriends set sail

Girlfriends set sail

One of the gals, Annette, gets a bit sea sick, so she opted to stay at the Palms on dry land and relax beachside. Not too shabby. The rest of us headed into Christiansted to jump on board Caribbean Sea Adventures’ 26-passenger sailing trimaran, Wave Dancer. And we lucked out too because for us it was a private sail! 

A spectacular Caribbean sunset

A spectacular Caribbean sunset

Originally, we had planned to head out on the World Ocean School sailing schooner the Roseway but it doesn’t do sunsets on Saturdays.

However, we were all thrilled to death with Captain JP and his crew who pampered us with bottomless cups of rum punch and ordered up one of the best Caribbean sunsets that I’ve seen in awhile. Kudos to JP and crew!

Chocolate cake at Savant - Happy Birthday Shelly!

Chocolate cake at Savant - Happy Birthday Shelly!

After the sail, we picked up Annette and headed off for Shelly’s birthday dinner at one of my favorite restaurants – Savant. Not only does it have excellent food (and you MUST try the charbroiled calamari) but, its got some celebrity style as well. Owner Tom Miller’s wife Kate (Bartoldus) Miller was a movie set designer on films like Town & Country, Unbreakable, The Sixth Sense, Fallen, Chasing Amy & 12 Monkeys. She designed and sculpted the super sexy back patio that is like dining in a garden amongst the ruins of an old plantation. The booth benches are sculpted into the wall. Its got this Moroccan, Southern feel that just oozes romance. 

Picture Time!

Picture Time!

I absolutely love dining here, sipping wine from their great wine list and have several events lined up here over the next few months. And the girls totally agreed that it was just super fab! We dined on an eclectic mix of Caribbean, Mexican, Thai fusion until our bellies were full and then topped it off with decadent chocolate cake, complete with birthday candle.

Day 8

:( Its always sad to see friends go. We made a trip to the local warehouse store to pick up the obligatory Cruzan Rum and travel boxes to check on the plane (fyi our USVI Dept of Tourism has a deal with the airlines so there is no additional baggage fee for booze boxes!). We also stopped at the grocery store to pick up bottles of locally produced Miss Anna’s hot sauce which makes great gifts. The drive to the airport was lively and as we waived goodbye, I knew they were planning their next St Croix Adventure as they said “Next time we’ll be here for the whole week!”.

If you’d like more information on the activities mentioned above or would like for us to put together your own customized Girlfriends Getaway to St Croix contact me cindy@suncelebrations.com or visit our website www.suncelebrations.com and check out “Group Travel”